My Black Dad

May 11

MMS from dad that read: “Wish the light would hurry up and change.”

Oct 20

he's not wrong.

• Dad: I think I'm about to be obsessed with Whip My Hair
• Dad: I tried to resist. Just watched the video. She looks just like Will as a tiny tranny

Aug 11

antoine dodson’s daily agenda

To Do List:

1. Hide kids
2. Hide wife
3. Hide husbands
4. Look for and find U.

Jun 04

i had to take that one twice.

• Dad: [redacted]'s fb status. Code blue.
• Me: HONESTLY
• Me: what test did she fail?
• Dad: I have no idea. Think it was the SIMLWLT.
• Me: Which is?
• Dad: Standardized Is My Life Worth Living Test
• Me: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Jan 17

next up: Dad gets a blowout

• Me: Did you see 30 Rock last night?
• Dad: No... I think I fell asleep.. Actually, I don't know what happened last night.
• (five minutes later... I casually mention that someone from our church looks like a Guido)
• Dad (memory jogged): Ahh I think this is why I missed 30 Rock.
• Me: Why? You were watching Jersey Shore?!!?
• Dad: Yes. (laughing) I watched the entire episode.

Dec 05

teen mom defense league ACTIVATE!

• Me: Where's mom?
• Dad: In the dining room having a meeting.
• Me: Oh. About what?
• Dad: Sex.
• Me: Come again?
• Dad: It's about sex and all of the--and I'll use the proper term here--bastards in the church.

Nov 25

Dad: “That child is ruined.”

Nov 06

i'm needy

• Dad: i gotta go. was just about to shut down. have a faculty council meeting to attend.
• Me: okk
• Dad: may chat during meeting. most of it will be boring and useless. but don't quote me on that.
• Me: tell them i said hello
• MAKE THEM KNOW ME
• Dad: k. they asked about you last time. you're on the agenda.
• Me: perf!!
• Dad: right after the minutes "hellos from/to lauren smith"

Nov 05

al for short

• me: facebook suggested i poke a dead girl
• Dad: way to go al g. rithm.
• me: what's up w/ your keyboard
• Dad: whaddya mean?
• me: oh that was a joke HAHAH I GET IT NOW
• Dad: thank you.
• me: i was like you spelled algorithm wrong

Oct 21

is weirdness a dominant or recessive trait?

• Me: i wish i had had the foresight to invite someone to come w/ me
• Me: i'm a loner
• Me: creepy loner
• Dad: my apologies, again, for your gene structure.
• Me: accepted