May 2011
1 post
1 tag
October 2010
1 post
1 tag
he's not wrong.
Dad: I think I'm about to be obsessed with Whip My Hair
Dad: I tried to resist. Just watched the video. She looks just like Will as a tiny tranny
August 2010
1 post
1 tag
antoine dodson's daily agenda
To Do List:
Hide kids
Hide wife
Hide husbands
Look for and find U.
June 2010
1 post
i had to take that one twice.
Dad: [redacted]'s fb status. Code blue.
Me: HONESTLY
Me: what test did she fail?
Dad: I have no idea. Think it was the SIMLWLT.
Me: Which is?
Dad: Standardized Is My Life Worth Living Test
Me: LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
January 2010
1 post
next up: Dad gets a blowout
Me: Did you see 30 Rock last night?
Dad: No... I think I fell asleep.. Actually, I don't know what happened last night.
(five minutes later... I casually mention that someone from our church looks like a Guido)
Dad (memory jogged): Ahh I think this is why I missed 30 Rock.
Me: Why? You were watching Jersey Shore?!!?
Dad: Yes. (laughing) I watched the entire episode.
December 2009
1 post
teen mom defense league ACTIVATE!
Me: Where's mom?
Dad: In the dining room having a meeting.
Me: Oh. About what?
Dad: Sex.
Me: Come again?
Dad: It's about sex and all of the--and I'll use the proper term here--bastards in the church.
November 2009
3 posts
i'm needy
Dad: i gotta go. was just about to shut down. have a faculty council meeting to attend.
Me: okk
Dad: may chat during meeting. most of it will be boring and useless. but don't quote me on that.
Me: tell them i said hello
MAKE THEM KNOW ME
Dad: k. they asked about you last time. you're on the agenda.
Me: perf!!
Dad: right after the minutes "hellos from/to lauren smith"
al for short
me: facebook suggested i poke a dead girl
Dad: way to go al g. rithm.
me: what's up w/ your keyboard
Dad: whaddya mean?
me: oh that was a joke HAHAH I GET IT NOW
Dad: thank you.
me: i was like you spelled algorithm wrong
October 2009
1 post
is weirdness a dominant or recessive trait?
Me: i wish i had had the foresight to invite someone to come w/ me
Me: i'm a loner
Me: creepy loner
Dad: my apologies, again, for your gene structure.
Me: accepted
September 2009
2 posts
Daddy was a loser too.
Skyler,
I know exactly how you feel up in Huntsville. I can really empathize. When I was in your shoes I studied a lot, played basketball, ran around the track, and felt sorry for my loser self. I didn’t have a girlfriend, a car, nothing. I was just a loser. But, I did know how to type and so I typed a lot, shot a lot of baskets with another loser friend of mine, and stayed in great shape....
conrad murray is still the center of our world.
Dad: i'm gonna go do nap...my bad, dr. conrad murray...time.
Me: hahahahahah
you enjoy
don't inject anything
Dad: actually, mom came home early to monitor my propofol drip.
Me: HAHAH
tell her not too much
August 2009
4 posts
re: the pants
Dad: under the sink against the wall.
those didn't just "fall" off the sink when someone was handwashing.
Me: hahahahahaah
OMG
wooow
did you see anyone walking around with just a button down shirt on?
pantsless?
Dad: not yet.
hiding in my office so i don't see that person.
Dad: imagine seeing that out of the corner of your eye.
Me: LOL that is truly baffling
Dad: if they were in the middle of the floor, in a stall, lying on the sink, i'd possibly understand...but kicked against the wall
...that's a puzzler.
Me: i just crack up thinking of the many scenarios that led to that point
i can't stop laughing
Dad: crack up or get scared.
Me: personally i'm horrified
Dad: imagine that guy explaining to his wife that he lost his pants at work.
or having an afternoon meeting after working out.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAH
'honey, i need a new pair of dockers. don't ask questions.'
Dad: LOL!
"how was class, dear?"
"good. lost my dockers, nothing out of the ordinary."
on drinking and rapists, via twitter:
Me: my night = drinking a ghetto cocktail and watching octomom on hulu. #imbetterthanyou
Dad: what’s a ghetto cocktail? i have hendricks gin. ha! #imbetteroffthanyou
Me: HAHAH it is this passion fruit welch’s juice [redacted] left here and tito’s vodka. i wanted to get wine but the rapist put the kaibosh on that.
Dad: That’s why rapists are bad all around.
you know what they say when you assume...
Me: Did you get a chance to listen to Drake yet?
Dad: No, I've been listening to the Fisk Jubilee singers.
Me: What even is that? Sounds like homos in bowties.
Dad: It's from the 1870s.
Me: Well they had homos in bowties in the 1870s.
Dad: More like ex-slaves in bowties.
Me: Oh.
July 2009
17 posts
dr. conrad murray, part 4
Dad: but, as for doc murray...any medical professional who has such a low ethical barrier as to administer propofol (sp) to an individual in his home as a sleep aid has to be pond scum at best
Me: exactly
Me: and not even take the proper precautions. b/c apparently you're supposed to have an oximeter and an ekg on the patient
Dad: and the patient should be
Dad: UNDERGOING SURGERY!
Me: LOL
Me: IN A HOSPITAL
Dad: yeah. that little detail.
dr. conrad murray, part 3
Dad: lol it makes me laugh too to think that he had a rather refreshing nap and was feeling all good...
Me: HAHAHAHA and BAM
Dad: probably thinking what a good job that was.
Me: right
Dad: put a nigga to sleep, go to sleep, get up. get paid.
Me: "I got a GOOD old job right here!"
Dad: BAM!
Me: HAHAHA
Dad: i bet he smokes. he probably had a cigarette dangling out of his mouth working with propofol and oxygen tanks.
Me: HAHAHAHAH
Dad: with the long ash.
dr. conrad murray, part 2, nap edition
Dad: gotta step away from the computer. get a little conrad murray action going.
Me: HAHAHAH
Me: enjoy your conrad murray
(ONE HOUR LATER)
Dad: back...we still have all our celebs, i hope
Me: no one died while you were out, did they?
dr. conrad murray, part 1
Dad: btw- conrad murray is going down and he's gonna need more security than salman rushdie
Me: OMG i know. he's going to be assassinated. they said your boy gave MJ that iv drip then straight TOOK A NAP
Dad: i hope that was a good nap he got.
Me: not. worth. it.
Dad: if that wasn't the best nap in the history of mankind...
Me: 2 hours of sleep = the loss of the greatest entertainer of all time
Dad: it'd be funny to do a comic video of him waking up all refreshed and stretching and invigorated and oblivious and on his cell phone talking 'bout his nap.
Dad: until security just says quietly... uh...dr. murray?
Me: LOL
Me: he wakes up and he's like "Aw, damn. Let me go check on this nigga real quick. Hold on."
Dad: ROFLMAO
Dad: and i never ROFLMAO
Me: HAHAHA
re: the two Kelly Hildebrandts who met on facebook...
Dad: two kellys is weird
Me: so weird
Me: also weird that he flew out and met her after 3 weeks. creeps.
Dad: creeps. so, when he kills her, will it be suicide?
Me: HAHAHAHAHA
(www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/5880036/Kelly-Hildebrandt-to-marry-Kelly-Hildebrandt.html)
"my dad's side of the family probably did, but not...
Dad: you could publish a book of My Black Dad riddles with one answer.
Me: LOL
Me: q: you ever put your light bill in your child's name because your credit is messed up?
Me: a: my dad's side of the family probably did, but not in our house
Dad: q: anyone ever tell you: "will the defendant please rise?"
Me: HAHAHAHAHA i am dying
my black dad: celebrity edition
Me: she (redacted, biracial celebrity) also has a serious case of 'my black dad'
Dad: meaning?
Me: well before the interview, she saw the questions and was like 'are they gonna ask me about soul train?' 'i have never seen soul train before in my life-- i'm too young.' and her make-up artists/hair ppl (all black) were like 'you've never seen soul train?' and she was like 'no-- we never watched it. my dad's side of the family probably did, but not in our house.'
Dad: wow.
Me: haha yeah
Dad: q: you ever get in a knife fight?
Dad: a: my dad's side of the family probably did, but not in our house.
Me: LOL exactly
Me: q: you ever eat fried chicken?
Me: a: my dad's side of the family probably did, but not in our house.
Dad: q: ever cha cha slide at a family reunion?
Dad: q: ever cap a nigga in a drive by?
Dad: a: my dad's side of the family probably did, but not in our house.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Dad: oh, so wrong.
Me: but so hilarious
My black dad
It’s about time I explain the title of this here blog. Basically, when I was younger, my entire family was at Six Flags and we saw two adorable biracial kids with their black dad, looking as though their dog had just died. Two kids! At Six Flags! Sad! And it didn’t look like temporary “you didn’t get me a frozen lemonade” sadness, it looked like “you’re...
my father, the english phd
Me: thank you.
Dad: your welcome.
Dad: "your" just to be annoying.
Me: of course
Dad: didn't want you to think i was losing it...well, anymore than expected.
Me: 'anymore'
Dad: exactly
daddy and daughter douche
Me: LULZ alert: [redacted high school friend who is divorced] took a FB quiz called 'What Date Will Your Wedding Day Be On?"
Dad: and...
Me: now aside from the grammatical issues that title brings, hers is apparently December, 31, 2011. i want to comment 'B*tch you already had one!'
Dad: lol. shoulda been "was" instead of will. she took the wrong quiz.
Me: hahah RIGHT!? although i will say, after seeing [her ex-husband]'s FB status updates, i can see the person he's become and how it would be hell on earth being married to him.
Me: it's like buying a brand new macbook air, opening the box, and pulling out a leap frog learning thing
Dad: lol
Me: one of these: http://www.leapfrog.com/en/families/clickstart/learning_systems/cs_clickstart.html
Dad: hilarious. www.life.com/ow/families/clickstart/myfirstmarriage.html/FAIL
Me: it says page not found!
Dad: i know. i made it up. "ow"
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
sarcasm runs in the family
Me: i have long believed people over 40 shouldn't be on facebook
Me: no offense?
Dad: i don't think that's just an age thing. people who announce pregnancies & miscarriages in their statuses...
Me: true.. but they know that's public
Dad: i guess...i'm not sure all of them do. i think many people forget how fully public it is.
Me: true
Dad: yeah, pays to think before commenting.
Me: yeah
Dad: ...shhh...i'm thinking.
Me: ok?
Dad: before commenting on your "yeah."
Me: hahaha
so that's what the kids are calling it these days
Me: so mariah's going to peppers with one 'steven'
Dad: appears that way...
Me: who is that kid
Dad: kid she's been crushing on for a minute.
Me: lolz! you just said 'crushing on.'
Dad: yep. what am i not allowed?
Me: i think you should write a parents guide to kidspeak
Dad: that's pretty current isn't it?
Me: lol
Me: hahaha i think? i don't EVEN know what high schoolers talk like these days. but i believe so yes.
too soon?
Me: sad about steve mcnair. but like dating a 20 year old when you're married is playing with fire.
Dad: playing with gunfire more like it.
Good news you've already heard
Tumblr has added the very cool new submissions feature which means that you too can submit your conversations with dad! Whether it’s a Gchat convo, e-mail, or a text message exchange, we want to see your dads’ quips, words of wisdom, and random thoughts.
To submit your conversations with dad, e-mail me at conversationswithdad[at]tumblr[dot]com or go here.
stuff white people like
Me: do you think i should move into an apartment by myself? or stay with [redacted]? what are your thoughts?
Dad: as a dad, a roommate that's a known quantity is a good thing. means you can have more space, some cushion for hard times, and it's a big city for living alone. no one to check up on you or for you to check up on.
Me: this is true. we are thinking about staying in our current apartment for another year. 'it's cheaper to keep her' as they say.
Me: because moving involves security deposits, first and last months rent, etc
Dad: and at nyc prices, that's a hassle
Me: yeah.. plus then i could afford a dog! sorta. like a maltipoo.. which is what i really want
Dad: a maltipoo...
Me: plus she also said i could stay in my big room
Dad: how white are you? lol
Me: hahaha..i know pretty white
skin with nothing to hang it on
Dad: just looked out my office window at a girl walking into the building. she has NO chin.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Dad: that's not gonna be a good look at age 50.
Dad: the chinless girl just walked away.
Dad: let's not say she's chinless, let's say curveless.
Me: LOL.. that is awful. a weak chin is really really unfortunate.
Dad: like she has skin with nothing to hang it on.
Me: LOLZ
deep girl, shallow pool
Me: [Redacted] has a boyfriend?
Dad: i believe that is true.
Me: ok i'm off to kill myself
Dad: a recycled one, if i got the info correctly.
Me: LOLS
Dad: i don't think you'd want this one. that's just my guess.
Me: true.. but the principle.
Dad: they're not swimming in your end of the gene pool.