Nov6

i'm needy

2 weeks ago
  • Dad: i gotta go. was just about to shut down. have a faculty council meeting to attend.
  • Me: okk
  • Dad: may chat during meeting. most of it will be boring and useless. but don't quote me on that.
  • Me: tell them i said hello
  • MAKE THEM KNOW ME
  • Dad: k. they asked about you last time. you're on the agenda.
  • Me: perf!!
  • Dad: right after the minutes "hellos from/to lauren smith"
Nov5

al for short

2 weeks ago
  • me: facebook suggested i poke a dead girl
  • Dad: way to go al g. rithm.
  • me: what's up w/ your keyboard
  • Dad: whaddya mean?
  • me: oh that was a joke HAHAH I GET IT NOW
  • Dad: thank you.
  • me: i was like you spelled algorithm wrong
Oct21

is weirdness a dominant or recessive trait?

1 month ago
  • Me: i wish i had had the foresight to invite someone to come w/ me
  • Me: i'm a loner
  • Me: creepy loner
  • Dad: my apologies, again, for your gene structure.
  • Me: accepted
Sep4

Daddy was a loser too.

2 months ago

Skyler,

I know exactly how you feel up in Huntsville. I can really empathize. When I was in your shoes I studied a lot, played basketball, ran around the track, and felt sorry for my loser self. I didn’t have a girlfriend, a car, nothing. I was just a loser. But, I did know how to type and so I typed a lot, shot a lot of baskets with another loser friend of mine, and stayed in great shape. So, that was good.

My suggestion to you: find a tennis racket or the swimming pool and put some of that energy into exercise. I know that you will love it once you get into a routine. (It’s always good to drop of few unneeded lbs.) I should know; I have plenty of them and I can still exercise at 61!

Love, Your Loving Daddy

(Submitted by Skyler)

Sep4

conrad murray is still the center of our world.

2 months ago
  • Dad: i'm gonna go do nap...my bad, dr. conrad murray...time.
  • Me: hahahahahah
  • you enjoy
  • don't inject anything
  • Dad: actually, mom came home early to monitor my propofol drip.
  • Me: HAHAH
  • tell her not too much
Aug28

re: the pants

2 months ago
  • Dad: under the sink against the wall.
  • those didn't just "fall" off the sink when someone was handwashing.
  • Me: hahahahahaah
  • OMG
  • wooow
  • did you see anyone walking around with just a button down shirt on?
  • pantsless?
  • Dad: not yet.
  • hiding in my office so i don't see that person.
  • Dad: imagine seeing that out of the corner of your eye.
  • Me: LOL that is truly baffling
  • Dad: if they were in the middle of the floor, in a stall, lying on the sink, i'd possibly understand...but kicked against the wall
  • ...that's a puzzler.
  • Me: i just crack up thinking of the many scenarios that led to that point
  • i can't stop laughing
  • Dad: crack up or get scared.
  • Me: personally i'm horrified
  • Dad: imagine that guy explaining to his wife that he lost his pants at work.
  • or having an afternoon meeting after working out.
  • Me: HAHAHAHAHAH
  • 'honey, i need a new pair of dockers. don't ask questions.'
  • Dad: LOL!
  • "how was class, dear?"
  • "good. lost my dockers, nothing out of the ordinary."
Aug28

E-mail from Dad:

It’s the men’s room—public.  On the first floor of my building.  Against the wall, under the sink, with a belt.  Who among you has disrobed and left necessary clothing in a public restroom?  On second thought, don’t answer that.  I really don’t want to know. 

Aug21

on drinking and rapists, via twitter:

3 months ago
  • Me: my night = drinking a ghetto cocktail and watching octomom on hulu. #imbetterthanyou
  • Dad: what’s a ghetto cocktail? i have hendricks gin. ha! #imbetteroffthanyou
  • Me: HAHAH it is this passion fruit welch’s juice [redacted] left here and tito’s vodka. i wanted to get wine but the rapist put the kaibosh on that.
  • Dad: That’s why rapists are bad all around.
Aug4

you know what they say when you assume...

3 months ago
  • Me: Did you get a chance to listen to Drake yet?
  • Dad: No, I've been listening to the Fisk Jubilee singers.
  • Me: What even is that? Sounds like homos in bowties.
  • Dad: It's from the 1870s.
  • Me: Well they had homos in bowties in the 1870s.
  • Dad: More like ex-slaves in bowties.
  • Me: Oh.
Jul30

dr. conrad murray, part 4

3 months ago
  • Dad: but, as for doc murray...any medical professional who has such a low ethical barrier as to administer propofol (sp) to an individual in his home as a sleep aid has to be pond scum at best
  • Me: exactly
  • Me: and not even take the proper precautions. b/c apparently you're supposed to have an oximeter and an ekg on the patient
  • Dad: and the patient should be
  • Dad: UNDERGOING SURGERY!
  • Me: LOL
  • Me: IN A HOSPITAL
  • Dad: yeah. that little detail.